My Story pre-2009: Part 1

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"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly."

- Martin Luther King, Jnr.

"I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice."

- Abraham Lincoln

Go to PART 1: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

PART1: 1 | Go to PART 1: 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 | Top of page

Life wasn't great in the UK. A number of matters were getting me down. The break-up of a previous relationship left me devastated in 2005. This was just one of the issues I was struggling with.

But we have to get on with life. Not that 'life' would actually describe the existence I experienced.

Eventually, I got back on-line and started chatting again to ladies on-line. I specifically made a point of joining a website which carried a lot of American contacts. This was because my desire was to settle down there and get married.

It wasn't that I was looking for a Green Card. It was that I just found chatting to American women much easier than English women. Eventually, I found several ladies who were interested in continuing an on-line relationship.

One or two mentioned wanting to visit England because it was just something they wanted to do. The opportunity to meet up was also appealing and added incentive to travel.

One did eventually travel and we met up in Birmingham. But that is another story and really relevant to this one. I was also involved with another lady at the time, so we just met as good friends and spent most of the day together - but in the company of another lady who had befriended my American pal.

Of two other ladies whom I really took a like to, I had to chose one. It was mid-2006 and of all the ladies I had been chatting to on the internet, two in particular seemed very interested in meeting me. I eventually made my choice and my choice was to pursue a more serious interest in a lady from Bend, Oregon.

My other love interest was a lady from Washington State and she lived in the town of Puyallup. I often wondered if I made the right choice. But fate dealt me some extraordinary cards as a consequence of my choice.

Having made my choice, my next step was to apply for Visa to travel to the US. On the 29th August, 2006, I attended my interview. As incredulous as it sounds, this is what the Embassy's Visa Department told me (in words to the effect of):

"We cannot issue you a Visa as you have no permanent or lasting links with the UK. We recommend you instead travel on the Visa Waiver Programme."

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Application for a Visa received by the US Embassy in London:

WHAT??? The Embassy implies that they are afraid that if they grant me a Visa, then I may overstay in the US and 'disappear'. So, they recommend that I still go without paperwork where I could have done exactly the same thing - except there is no way of tracking me. Does this make sense? The bottom line appears that the Embassy were in dereliction of duty. They were too afraid to make a choice and let me think it was OK to travel to the US without a Visa when in fact I could easily have been refused entry first time around. What a pathetic and arbitrary way to treat potential tourists.

With the knowledge that I could travel on the Visa Waiver Programme, I duly booked my airline ticket. By November, I would be on my way. But fate was to take the first of many twists ...

My chosen partner fell ill soon after my fateful decision. We were excited about meeting, but she suffered a medical condition which severely incapacitated her. I had promised to stand by her, but she told me at the outset of our friendship that she was very independent and would make her own choices. She decided that her condition was now so severe, even after surgery, that she could no longer have a proper relationship with another man.

I still think about this lady and the tragedy that befell her. But she had family, lived with her sister, and was well cared for. So, had I chosen to court my friend from Puyallup, I may well have travelled to see her instead and possibly ended up marrying her. But by now, she was involved with someone else. it was several months after I announced my interest in her rival and she obviously was not going to wait around. But I was still destined to meet her.

After my first chosen fell by the wayside, I had to decide what to do next. I already had an airline ticket purchased. Life in the UK was also deteriorating. So, I thought damn it, I'm going to travel anyways. Just anything to get away from the UK. I spoke to a few former female pals in the US, and one whom I got very close to previously. In fact, it was only her worries about being 'equally yoked' in a relationship that concerned her and made her call off our intended meeting well before I met my new found love interest in Bend.

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While waiting to go to the US, I had to make some lifestyle choices. If I was going to find a way of staying legally in the US, albeit a long-term objective, then I had to dispose of some of my goods. Fortunately, I raised extra money to travel and to support myself while in the US. The rest of my unsold possessions went into storage.

It was time to leave the UK. It was November 2006, but I was full of the joy of Spring. At last, I could leave behind all my troubles and cares. My only concern was making a success of my time in the US. I was travelling on the Visa Waiver Programme and had only 90 days to clear my mind of my awful life in the UK and determine a new future.

I flew directly to Seattle out of Heathrow. Upon arriving I had to clear immigration. This was to be my first experience of how awkward some immigration officials could be. I'm not sure when I got to passport control, but it must have taken well over an hour to clear immigration after this.

I was interviewed by one female office who seemed to have a 'bee in her bonnet'. She was awkward and difficult and not too unlike the terrible immigration officials I was too later meet in San Francisco. She even objected to the fact that I did not know how to pronounce *Puyallup - my first destination.

*It's correctly pronounced, so I am told, pew-al-up.

After getting a particularly unpleasant grilling from the female officer, a black officer stepped in and said that I should be allowed through. I was grateful for his intervention and his kindness.

My first host: 'J' in Puyallup

It must have been around 6pm when my pal collected me from the airport. The weather, not unsurprisingly, was poor. the North-West coastal area of America is known for it's heavy rainfall, and this was just a typical day (with more to follow).

I spent about two days and three nights at my pal's house. She introduced me to her new gentleman friend and we all got along fine. By Thursday, it was time to travel South to meet one of my internet ex-girlfriends. She was the one I got pretty close to before and may be doing so again.

My second and third hosts: 'S' and a Buddhist in Eugene

I can't quite recall, but I think we had just over 3 weeks together. It wasn't working for us, though more specifically, for my devout Christian lady friend. She resorted to the old argument that her future husband should share her strict views on Christianity. There was no room for negotiation - even though I was very flexible.

During my stay with 'S', I ventured out to the shopping centre nearby. It was a nice place, and just like my stay in the motel, had a 'Market of Choice' outlet. The MoC was one of my favourite places as it carried a wide range of organic and healthy foods. It also had a nice coffee bar and dining area.

Robbie at the MoC at Delta Oaks. A friend of 'S', and now, with her husband Rob, very good friends of mine.

One day, soon after I began to frequent the place, I was sitting in the dining area enjoying a coconut cremosa. An Indonesian lady sat opposite me and struck up a conversation - albeit she spoke virtually no English! She kept asking me if I liked young women and asked me to meet her friend - repeatedly. I was suspicious and respectfully declined. This happened numerous times during my visits to the MoC. It was, after several months, to prove to be quite significant (more in Part 2).

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Things were a little desperate now. 'S' had a friend who is a Buddhist and I spent one night at his place. I was grateful for the room, which I could have rented long-term, but even one night was too long. I moved onto a motel the next day.

My fourth host: The University Inn

The motel was fine and on Franklin Boulevard in Eugene. the staff were good and I got on really well with the over-worked receptionist ("C"). We struck up a good friendship - though it was just a friendship. She helped and advised me where to look for a room to rent on a long-term basis as staying in a motel was prohibitively expensive.

My fifth host

I rang some numbers and one lady (Phyllis) called me back. She said she had a friend who was looking for a new housemate and she may be able to help. Within a few days of this telephone call I was taken by my contact to a Scrabble session at an old folks centre. There I met my new landlady-to-be, CarolLee. CarolLee came to my motel afterwards and collected me and my possessions.

CarolLee became one of my greatest friends. She gave me a roof over my head and yet knew little about me (or so she thought!). I helped her to throw out a man who had been abusing her trust and generosity - a man who had not paid rent for six months and always had a feeble excuse for not doing so. It later turned out he was a vagrant and never paid anyone for their hospitality.

The same I moved in with CarolLee, I asked if I could use her computer to check my email. She was already logged-in to her own account. When I closed her email account I noticed her username and it seemed very familiar. I did not pry into her personal matters, and closed her account so that I could open mine. The following morning I recalled where I had seen the username. I had previously met CarolLee on-line while I was in the UK. In fact, it may have been a whole year beforehand. Talk about coincidence and fate!

I got to meet CarolLee's family at Christmas and was treated like one of the family. I also met a fair number of CarolLee's friends and was bowled over by their wonderful attitudes. It was very humiliating to suddenly be thrown into this wonderful new world. I was experiencing love, joy and incredible friendship from what were previously complete strangers. I had NEVER experienced anything like this in my life.

Christmas brunch and good spirits. 1st photo, left-to-right: CarolLee, Chandra, Joe (below), Brian (above) and Mona.

I was to spend two months at CarolLee's house. During this time I was still meeting ladies to casually date (coffee, lunch, etc.). Sadly, at this time, nobody I met seemed to be on the same wavelength as me. Having said that, we all remained friends in some capacity.

One lady I met took me to a New Years party at a friend's house. I had a great time here and made a host of new friends in one night. Within the space of a few weeks I had made more good and true friends than in most of my time on this planet.

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1st photo: The New Year's Eve Party at Truleen's house. 2nd photo: Travelling companion, Gromit, after the party.

1st photo: Even the police are friendly and ready to lend a smile. 2nd photo: Games night at Truleen's in February.

Life was good now. I felt better in myself, my health improved, etc.

In early January, I was introduce to a lady form the Philippines. We got on famously and by the time I had to leave the US, we were an item. The plan was that I return to the UK, as scheduled, and start a business or make myself employable. I would return, we would marry and live happily ever after.

Although we got on very well, I always felt that something was wrong. It was returning to the US for my next trip that I discovered exactly what this was.